Death by Love {The Letter}

To My Love,

Sometimes I really feel like I don’t have anybody, which is weird because I’m married with a child. Maybe weird isn’t the appropriate word, maybe I should say disturbing. I am disturbed. With my life, by my thoughts, in everything I do or have done. Disturbed. Twelve years ago when I told you that you were the best thing that ever happened to me, I was only half right. When I look at you, I feel life, I feel what it means to truly experience joy. You’re not just the best thing Matthew, you are my everything. Without you I would never have been able to experience the joys of being a wife, and a mother. I’ve been in love with you since I was 18, and every single day I wish I could find the words to express to you how deep, and sincere my appreciation for you as a human being is to me. You’ve given me everything I could have ever asked for out of life. Thank you so much Matt. Thank you for being my “enough”…

May Your Love Be Enough To Follow Me Into Eternity,



The Time I Lost My Knee Cap {8th grade paper}

Most people believe that your kneecap is a part of your body that can never be detached or lost. Well I found out otherwise. Let me start from the beginning. It all started one gloomy, cloud covered Saturday, perfect football weather!
So I decide to call up the gang for a quick game. Little did I know how this game would be different from all the others.
Unlike most kids that play football, we don’t play on grass, we play on cement. This is because we’re playing two hand-touch anyway so nobody expects to fall. Today we opted to play sideline crack down at the Elementary school near my house. Instead of playing on normal black-top pavement, we chose to play in the parking lot which was mostly gravel and pebbles. In hindsight, all of these factors could have constituted to the prediction that something bad was going to happen. But we were kids, and if we were going to play football, we were going to play football. The teams were as follows; Me and DMac vs. Fat Boy and Benjamin with Korey playing Q.B for both. Right from the beginning it was a kill. Within ten minutes my team was up by about seventeen points.
“Yo, ‘dis is some bull **** man.” Fat boy said. “Yall keep throwing long passes like I’m ‘bout to catch you.”
“Always gotta complain. Just take ya’ L and be happy,” taunted DMac.
We made a pact to not throw anymore long passes. So Slim, DMac and I decided to throw a short pass to me, towards Fat Boy’s side, and I’d just run it up the sideline. Mistake number one: this was the side with the most gravel. As we ran the play it went just as planned, with Fat Boy coming out to get me. I knew he wasn’t going to catch me so I decided to slow down and show off the moves. Mistake number two. When he was close enough I stopped and spun to the right. Only, I spun more than I wanted to. The tiny rocks under my Nike’s slid away. Then I wasn’t so much spinning as I was falling. I knew it wasn’t going to be a pretty landing. SSCCCRREEECCH. It sounded like paper being shredded.
“Aw damn,” I said to myself as I sat up. “Hope that didn’t look as stupid as it felt.”
“Yo, WHAT THE ****! WHAT THE ****,” Fat Boy said as he backed away in shock.
“What,” I said. Up until this point I didn’t feel anything. The most I was worried about was how I was going to live through the embarrassment of what just happened. My eyes followed Fat Boy’s to my knee. I had never seen anything like it before. It was like something straight out of a horror movie. The brown area that had once been my knee had been replaced with fleshy, pearl white muscle. My first thought was that I had fell in some gum. Then the pain hit. It was a stinging, throbbing, tightness, burning sensation that I had never felt before. I immediately jumped up and hobbled over to a picnic table a few feet away.
“AHAHAHA! Yo you just busted yo *** son. Oh my God! That was the funniest **** I ever seen,” DMac, Benjamin and Slim jeered after me.
“Naw, chill. He’s really messed up.” Fat boy said.
That was a huge understatement. The pain had taken over my whole leg now, and made my eye twitch with every passing second. To take my mind off of it I did the only thing I would think of at the time…make beats on the table. As the low thudding of the wood drowned out my thoughts my eyes wandered. All white minivan. Stupid inflatable snowman. Cheeotos bag by the dumpster, laid next to an apple shaped booklet with tiny zip-lock bags scattered around it. A few of them had stuff inside. Forever curious, I leaned over, writhing in pain as I picked one up. I knew instantly by the smell.
“Weed?” I said to myself.
“Yo you straight?” Benjamin said. They had just come over after making sure I wasn’t crying.
“Naw. I’m pretty messed up, but hey look what I found.”
“What is that?” Dmac said
“Weed,” I replied. The guys stared at the little bag I had placed on the table. Everyone was hushed.
“I think we should smoke it,” Slim said, breaking the silence.
“Yea yo. We’re definitely not playing anymore football.” Benjamin agreed. “Why not?”
“I don’t smoke weed.” Fat boy said.
“Me neither.” DMac chimed in, “I ain’t doing it.” They all looked at me. The deciding vote: the Florida of the situation.
“I don’t know.” I said “I don’t want to do it if we ALL aren’t going to do it.”
“Yea,” said DMac. “I think we should turn it in.”
“WHAT! FOR WHAT?” Slim yelled.
“Cuz…we could prolly get a reward”
That was a proposal we could all agree on. We called the cops and stood in front of the school waiting for them. I covered my leg with my t-shirt to stop some of the bleeding. By now my sock was soaked. About 3 minutes later a cruiser pulled up. It was weird how they could come so fast when some little kids found weed but take forever for everything else. An officer stepped out of the car and opened the back door to release his canine unit.
“So whaddya got here?” He said, without so much as a passing interest to the kid with the blood stained shirt on his leg. The dog came up and took the tiny bag from Fat boy’s outstretched hand. The officer smelled it, then popped his trunk and placed it inside of a duffle bag. He gave us a nod and was about to get back in his cruiser.
“Wait hold up, uhh, sir.” I called. “You wouldn’t happen to have any bandages would you?”
He examined my face then my leg with his eyes. He smirked
“Hadda yaself a lil spill did ya?” He said, patronizing me.
“You got the **** bandages or not?” I whispered.
“Excuse me?”
“I said, yea I slammed over at this spot.”
“Oh.” He said. He opened his trunk again and pulled out a first aid kit. He threw me a couple of large bandages and got into the car.
“Hey wait, uh, um, do we get a reward? Or something?” DMac stammered. The cop smiled at us and gave a thumbs up. Next he was pulling out the parking lot and up the street. The guys stood in utter disbelief at what just happened, as I tried to stick the bandage on my blood wet skin.
“Yo. THIS IS SOME BULL**** MAN!” Fat boy said. I couldn’t help but laugh. A lot more had come out this day than I expected.
“Yea, well I think I’m going to call it a day now.” I said. “But oh, ‘yall ca do me a favor?”
“Yea, what?” They said.
“Help me find my kneecap.” They all busted out laughing for the first time since the fall.
“Ha Ha HaHa Ha….I’m serious.”